A Widow's Resilient Quest for Happiness and Healing
Confronting Grief and Embracing a New Path
Joan's husband, John Vassos, passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2021, leaving her and their four children devastated. The first year after his death was a blur of tending to her family's needs while trying to suppress her own grief. Joining a grief therapy group proved challenging, as she couldn't find one that catered to her age group. Avoiding photographs of John became a coping mechanism, but it ultimately made the second year after his passing even more difficult, with weekends spent in bed, barely leaving the house.However, Joan's willingness to confront her emotions during those solitary moments proved to be a crucial step in her healing process. "I spent so much of my time pretending I was okay for my kids, and those were the days that I didn't have to pretend," she reflects. "I was exhausted. It's tiring to be happy and [pretend that] everything's going to be fine. It wasn't real."
As time passed, those difficult weekends became less frequent, and Joan gradually reintroduced John's presence into her daily life, bringing out a family photo to display in the living room. With her head telling her to consider dating again, Joan tentatively dipped her toes back into the world of romance, asking friends to set her up and trying her hand at casual encounters. It wasn't until her experience on the Golden Bachelor that she truly felt ready to open her heart to the possibility of a new love.
Navigating Guilt and Embracing a Second Chance at Love
When Joan was selected as the first Golden Bachelorette, she believed she was ready to find love again. However, as her connections with the suitors deepened during filming, she was overwhelmed by a sense of guilt – guilt for potentially moving on from John and guilt for her children's well-being."If I had been so in love with him, how could I think that I could have another great love?" she recalls thinking. "Why did I think I deserve that? Do people even get to have that twice?"
Seeking professional help from the show's psychiatrist proved to be a pivotal step in Joan's journey. Through their weekly sessions, the psychiatrist provided her with a powerful analogy that helped Joan reconcile her feelings. "You have two balloons. In this hand you have John, and in this hand, you have someone else you're interested in. You don't have to let go of John to be able to hold this one," the psychiatrist told her. This simple yet profound insight allowed Joan to understand that she could honor her love for John while also opening her heart to the possibility of a new relationship.
Throughout the filming process, Joan made a conscious effort to check in with her emotions, discussing her thoughts with the show's producers. She also took time to decompress after long days of dates, indulging in self-care rituals like enjoying a glass of wine, applying under-eye patches, and immersing herself in captivating novels. To maintain her connection with her family, Joan had a digital photo frame that allowed her children to send her updates on her grandchildren's lives, which she cherished during her time away.
Embracing the Journey and Inspiring Others
Joan's journey has been one of resilience, self-discovery, and the courage to embrace a second chance at love. She hopes that her story will inspire other women who have experienced the loss of a life partner, reassuring them that the healing process is unique to each individual."I think about John in a much more joyous way. I can look at pictures of him. I can talk about him. I used to not be able to talk about him at all," she shares. "That took a long time—three and a half years—so give yourself grace. But if you had great love and you miss it, go and find it."
As Joan embarks on her journey as the Golden Bachelorette, she carries with her the memory of her beloved husband, John, and the lessons she has learned about the power of love, grief, and the resilience of the human spirit. Her story serves as a testament to the fact that second chances at happiness are not only possible but also deeply meaningful, even in the face of profound loss.